There’s an eight-year gap between my youngest and oldest. I’m still doing elementary school parenting, while thinking about college for my oldest.
I think about it often as I try to plan my work around what needs to be done for them – and my wife, who has always had far less control of her schedule. (P.S.A.: Most Lead Dads in America work full or part time, with only 2 million of the 25 million Lead Dads being fully focused on their families.) My goal is always no regrets.
The past two weekends have reminded me of the age span. Last weekend, I went to my first Father-Daughter Dance without my oldest daughter. She’s 16 and bowed out for reasons that are entirely reasonable – starting with she was three years older than the next oldest girl at last year’s dance. She’d been a good sport for longer than most. I couldn’t complain.
I had a great time with my other two daughters – chicken nuggets, Shirley temples, floral crowns and, of course, dancing. I focused on enjoying what the three of us were doing, not on the one who wasn’t there. It’s that old adage: Don’t be sad it’s over, be happy it happened.
This past weekend, I took my older daughters to a Tate McRae concert at Madison Square Garden. I may have been the only father there. I can also now confidently lay claim to having seen more Tate McRae concerts than any other father in my town. (I’m up to two.)
Was I the totally awkward father trying to dance along to songs I did not know? I was. Did I get excited when the two songs I know (because I’ve heard them scores of times in my car) came on? I was. And fortunately, “Greedy” ended the show!
While I was sad that I was a daughter down at the dance, I was elated that I have many more pop concerts to go. One awkward dad dance flows into another.
What did these two very separate moments remind me about being a working parent?
Be there. I’ve been sitting in, on top of or near all of my daughter’s bedsides at night since they came home from the hospital. If they want to talk about anything, I’m there and they know it. It’s created an open line of communication, particularly with my oldest at a time when I hear fathers complain about not having one. It wasn’t easy for my oldest to tell me she didn’t want to go to the Father-Daughter Dance but she did. On the other hand, she was so excited that I would go to the concert with her for her 16th birthday present from me.
Be happy with what you have. Both nights, I had two of my daughters with me. They were very different events, and that was fine.
Be curious about what comes next. As much as my youngest reminds me of what my girls are growing out of, my oldest shows me there’s a lot of new stuff to come.
And if I’m honest, listening to Tate McRae is a lot better than Music Together!
