Doug Emhoff’s speech at the Democratic National Convention wasn’t just another way to show his wife Kamala Harris as a three-dimensional person. It was a master class to show other men the qualities that make someone a Lead Dad.
Emhoff was married for 16 years to a successful film producer. When they got divorced, he became part of the 18 percent of fathers in the United States who are divorced, widowed or otherwise single. That’s a key part of the 25 million men in the U.S. who are or could be Lead Dads. Ten years ago, he and Kamala were married, and they became part of the 40 percent of families in America that are blended. He’s lived a lot of the Lead Dad experience.
Here are five points from Emhoff’s speech that define what it means to be a Lead Dad who supports his spouse or partner in their career – whatever your politics may be.
- A Sense of Humor: Emhoff recounted a bumbling, babbling voicemail he left for his now wife at 8:30am one morning. He quipped that he wanted to stuff the words back into his mouth but they just kept falling out. We’ve all been there. Bonus Lead Dad points for not taking himself too seriously: Kamala replays that voicemail to him every year on their anniversary.
- Life and Work Are Fluid: Emhoff was a Los Angeles entertainment attorney who admitted to having nice lunches on a regular basis. Uncharacteristically, he was eating at his desk when Kamala returned his call. She was California’s attorney general at the time. Both super accomplished, super busy people took an hour out of their day and talked. That, he joked was their first date.
- Be Honest About Who You Are: When they go in Emhoff’s car for their first date, he recalled telling the A.G.: “Buckle up, I’m a really bad driver.” Now that’s saying something in Los Angeles! It’s also saying something to admit that to the state’s top law enforcement official (albeit one with bigger problems than bad drivers). Emhoff didn’t pretend. No macho posing. He admitted a weakness.
- Compromise. He spoke of Kamala going to services for the high Jewish holidays and of him going to Easter services with her. What he didn’t say was he quit his partnership at a prestigious law firm to avoid any ethical conflicts when they moved to Washington for her to be vice president and Emhoff to take up his role as the first-ever Second Gentleman.
- Love. His son Cole introduced him. But it was his daughter Ella, on which the camera kept returning, who caught my heart as a girl dad. She was beaming with pride as her father spoke.
And that’s the biggest lesson of all for Lead Dads: if we want our kids to do the right thing, we need to do the right thing. They watch what we do far more than they listen to what we say.
