As working parents, we want our kids to be flexible. We also don’t want them to fall into traps, particularly the stereotypical and avoidable ones. It’s not always easy to model either, let alone both.
But that’s what Jeff Cummins, a professor of political science at Fresno State and our Lead Dads of the Week, did so he could be the father he wanted to be and his wife would never feel held back by societal expectations.
Before and after their son was born, Natasha Hagaman was commuting to work for an hour. She didn’t want to get shoehorned into the traditional parenting role, where she would do everything at a great sacrifice. Jeff assured her he wasn’t the traditional father, not one of the stereotypical dads Hollywood peddles, but like most things in parenting it’s show, don’t tell.
“I had to convince her that we weren’t going to be like that,” he said. “I showed her I wasn’t going to be a traditional male partner. I always expected to be just as involved as she was if not more.”
What he possessed that she didn’t was greater control over his time. “I had a lot of things going on too, but I had a flexible schedule to some extent,” he said. “I had meetings, classes, office hours, but it wasn’t a strict 8 am to 5pm job. I would stay home more with him. I also lobbied to be able to take my full paternity leave.”
There was daycare for their son. But there were also days when he brought a slightly sick son to class and plopped him down at the back of the room while he lectured on U.S. politics.
What frustrated this scholar-father was the same old gendered nonsense from schools. His wife may have been an hour away, but she still got the first phone call for anything – and then had to call him.
“There was a while when my son would go the nurse almost weekly,” Jeff said. “He’d skin his knee or fall or get hurt somehow on the playground. After so many times, the nurse finally started to call me directly. It took quite a while to train her not to call my wife.”
Fighting the phone system inspired him. He kept volunteering to go into his son’s class as much for him as the other kids. “Part of me wanted to break the barrier and shatter the traditional role,” Jeff said. “I thought it was good for boys and girls in the classroom to see a male in the classroom. There were just no male teachers then.”
Today his son is in high school – and his wife Natasha is now a professor as well. Her doctoral thesis? It was entitled “Dads Who Do It All? The Division of Labor in Lead-Dad Households” and explored the role that Lead Dads play in supporting their families.
As for his promise to break the stereotypical roles around parenting, Jeff kept it. “I don’t think she ever questioned it,” he said. “I’m a pretty hands-on guy. I wanted to know everything that was going on with my son and be involved in everything.”
Welcome, Jeff, to The Company of Dads!
