I don’t believe a word anyone says on April Fools’ day. Think of it as a safety measure. By assuming everybody I interact with on April 1st is trying to pull one over on me, I save myself the humiliation of falling victim to a perhaps not-so-merry prankster. I
f the cost of this is a total lack of trust in everyone I know and love, so be it!
But why am I like that? (Can you already tell I’ve done a lot of therapy?)
Here’s my problem with April Fools’ Day: it’s mean. Like, inherently mean. What kind of malicious tradition asserts that it’s funny to have purposefully made a fool of somebody? It reminds me of the movie series “The Purge,” where one day a year, people get to go on vicious killing streaks with no ramifications. That’s April Fool’s Day, although, to be fair, instead of murdering someone, you just lie to their face in a deliberate effort to make them look and feel like an idiot.
“Ha ha ha! You believed a thing I told you! And that makes you a fool! And now I’m pointing at you in front of everyone and laughing because you were gullible enough to believe me. What a fool!”
My reaction to this has never been: “We should hang out more often”?
And look, I fully realize that you, dear reader, don’t really know yet if I actually mean what I’m saying. I might be trying to fool you. It’s a valid thought. Your prudence is warranted. But please read on.
To understand the prankster, let’s consider who it is that actually falls for April Fools’ jokes. Fools. To be fooled on April Fools’ Day, you have to already be a fool. How do you not see it coming? And can you even truly fool a fool? Or does their pre-existing condition of adult-onset foolishness* medically preclude them from actually being fooled?
*I couldn’t find this on WebMD, but I’m confident it’s a real thing
Rather than celebrate their superiority with pernicious giggling, the April fooler should be ashamed of the intellectual ruse in which they are participating. It’s not a fair fight. I think it was Shakespeare who said, “Does not the fooler himself become more foolish for having fooled the fool?” (Hamlet, Act 6, Scene 3)*
*Hamlet only has 5 Acts
There are certain days we know are coming year after year so we prepare for them. Thanksgiving is one. Then my birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and April Fools’ Day. Turkey, presents, Santa, a new year and pranks. I know what’s coming on those days, and I am not about to fall for your foolishness!
Heaven forbid my wife have a heart attack on April 1st. Because if I’m the only one with her, I’m afraid she has little chance of getting me to bring her to the hospital before April 2nd.
So pull your pranks if you must. Make fools of the already foolish. Celebrate your “victory.” Just don’t try it on me because I’m ready for you.
After everything I’ve said to you here, you really think I’d sink so low as to try to fool you?
I guess I might.
But I’m not!
I swear.
