A phrase I say often is: Two things can be true at the same time – even if people don’t always believe that to be the case.
Like, companies can support working parents and be profitable.
Or, HR departments can have programs for both Working Moms and Lead Dads and supporting one doesn’t mean the other is left out.
Or – out on a limb here – fathers can watch football and be great caregivers and equal parents.
None of these are contradictory. They’re all both true.
On Labor Day, I took a photo of my youngest daughter paddleboarding for the first time in the Long Island Sound. I was so proud to see her out there, balancing. When I closed my phone, I noticed I still had zero unread emails and no alerts on any app. I took a screenshot of that. (Okay, the photo app has an alert, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how to accept my middle daughter’s invite to our Katy Perry concert photos!)
Both my daughter paddleboarding and my inbox being empty brought me joy.
I love being with my daughters and watching them do things. But to make working parenthood work for me, I know I have to be hyper-organized. Why? I want to be present with them and not be distracted by things hanging over my head – and unmet obligations of any sort distract me.
The two photos below remind me that family and work both need intentional focus. But with that, they can work and be more joyful than stressful.
Years ago, I listened to technologist talk about the two types of smartphone users in the world: the zero inboxers and the people with 37,435 unread emails. I sometimes wish I was in the latter category, but I’ve come to understand myself and know what I have to do to be productive and attentive to my family and my work.
I’ve seen the parents texting on the sidelines. I don’t judge. Sometimes you don’t have a choice. When I’ve had to do it, I narrate why I’m doing it so my kids no there’s a reason I’m not fully present with them. I break the fourth wall, so they don’t make assumptions that they don’t matter as much as work. (Now parents on the sidelines who are scrolling social media? No words for them.)
Still, there was a calm I felt as I watched her paddle knowing I didn’t have anything else I had to think about. And that was an important moment: because now our kids are back in school and that unread email number is climbing.
