I don’t like to scoop myself, but a piece that’s going to run in a month has a nugget for how to think about work when your kids are on vacation that’s helped me this week. Maybe it can help you too.
This is our second week of school break the one that comes after the fun week we had in Orlando. It’s always tough for two working parents, so I pushed to get a lot of work done over the weekend so I could be with our daughters.
One of the things I did was write a month’s worth of Lead Dad of the Week features – those pieces that highlight fathers who are stepping up, bucking stereotypes and supporting their wives’ careers. The final one contains that nugget of permission from an O.G. Lead.
Here’s the line from Kevan Gibson, husband of Linda Gibson: “This is the role that you’re doing and do it to the best of your ability. If you don’t pay attention to that role, you’re missing the biggest opportunity to have an impact on someone’s life.”
In other words, don’t multitask when you’re with your kids any more than you should multitask at work. Focus on what’s in front of you and be present and engaged. Now at work you might get called out as a distracted “Zoomer”, as Jamie Dimon recently griped. But on vacation weeks like this, you’re at a greater risk of your kids seeing you disconnected from them. (Sorry, Jamie!)
My week, thus far, consists of nine doctors’ appointments among three kids plus a full day of driving our retired nanny to and from Manhattan to get cataract surgery with two kids in tow; five planned activities; no playdates; four lunches somewhere so my wife can work; lots of driving; little control of the radio; and not much time sitting at my desk.
Sure, I’ve been able to respond to emails opportunistically, when kids are playing together. But like a summer storm in Florida, those moments end with a bang.
What I’ve kept in mind is Kevan’s advice: If you don’t pay attention, you’re missing a big opportunity.
So I’ve paid attention. On one ride, we had a long conversation with my father where no one was distracted. On another I explained to my oldest daughter how nonprofit boards work, what governance is and why it’s important. My youngest daughter held forth on the perceptions of the Tesla Cybertruck among second graders and the divide between girls and boys.
What would I have done in my column-writing days at The New York Times? I would have reported the week’s column ahead of time, written it at night and furtively but repeatedly checked my email. I would have been distracted when I needed to be focused, but back then I was an Undercover Lead Dad.
What am I doing differently this week? Working before my kids wake up and after they and my wife have gone to bed. It’s about three hours a day. And the rest of the time I’m paying attention.
But you know this. We all know this is what we need to do. But sometimes a reminder is helpful.
