Sometimes, the world feels like it’s closing in around you, and every day brings a new way to test your sanity. Welcome to parenthood. While having children was a lifetime highlight, sometimes you want to lock yourself away and throw away the key. You aren’t alone.
It’s at these times that you must step back and smell the coffee — find a new perspective and focus on yourself. The kids will still be there afterward, but to do the best you can for them, you must prioritize your mental health and put yourself first for a change.
Self-Care
Someone once told me that to truly care for somebody, I must first find a way to care for myself.
I’ve never forgotten that — and it applies in a parental context. You love your kids, and that’s why their actions can drive you up the wall to the degree that you don’t even want to think about them. To get past these feelings and provide the ultimate care and concern for your children, you must first care for yourself and your mental well-being.
Self-care is anything but selfish — it allows you to rejuvenate enough to face any parental challenges head-on, with the ability to problem-solve and motivate from within yourself. To reach this point, you must add some alone time to your day. Do so every day. I now make time to tinker on my bike in the garage, where it had previously stood neglected for months.
You might enjoy a similar hobby or prefer reading, playing computer games or jogging. The key word is “enjoy.” Make the time to do something relaxing that you love doing and don’t feel guilty — it will benefit you, your partner and your kids.
Support
Support comes in many ways. You might not be comfortable visiting a mental health professional due to the social stigmas and societal beliefs attached. There are other ways to find support as a parent.
I used to see attending community functions as a drag until I recognized a need to change my perspective. Now, I look forward to neighborhood gatherings and relish time spent with other parents. I’ve made some good friends and can share specific problems I used to bottle up inside.
It’s incredible how you’ll find other parents with similar difficulties who can offer support and advice on dealing with them. Conversely, you can also return their support. Having good friendships relieves stress, provides comfort and happiness, and prevents loneliness and isolation.
Attitude
It’s easy to get into a parental rut. You work all day and then come home to find your children running amok. The first thing you want to do, and likely have done, is lay down the law. Instead, why not run amok with them? Make time to get them outside to throw a ball or participate in a project. My son always wanted a treehouse, and I realized that building one with him after work was a great bonding opportunity.
An attitude adjustment on my part made me a more mentally sound and better parent. Only after prioritizing and revitalizing your mental state will you consider parenting in ways that benefit you and your entire family. My children now look forward to my arrival home. I’ve improved my mental health by changing my attitude, prompting changes in theirs and growing our bonds substantially. Home life is more peaceful now.
Communication and Boundaries
Your support structure, new attitude and alone time will make communicating with your children much more straightforward. Your kids will recognize the change in you, and this will encourage more open communication, meaning you can set boundaries that they understand. You’ll find they respect your alone time as you’re more interactively parenting otherwise. The whole family will function better as a unit.
Your Improved Mental Health Will Benefit Everyone
Prioritizing your mental health impacts the family unit. Take time to care for yourself, change your attitude and make friends in your community. You will be amazed at how it brings everyone together.
Jack Shaw is the senior lifestyle writer at Modded with and a single father with a special interest in navigating the ins and outs of being a parent. As fathers, the work we put in isn’t always recognized, but it’s absolutely essential to the health and well-being of our children. You can find more of Jack’s work in publications like Tiny Buddha, Daddy’s Digest, Parent.com and more. Contact him via LinkedIn.
