I was in a room of ringers yesterday.
And I should have known how they would answer my questions.
I looked at a woman in the audience and said I wanted her honest response. She nodded.
“I’m a woman in your organization,” I said. “I’m pregnant.”
Without missing a beat, she said: “Congratulations.”
“Right answer,” I said. “The one and only right answer.”
I then turned to a guy off to my left.
“I’m a 35 year old guy, about to have my first child and I’m coming to you to talk about the company’s parental leave for fathers. It takes me a while to say all of this out to you because I’m a bit nervous. What do you say?”
“Let me know how I can help you make the most of your parental leave. I’m here to answer any questions you have.”
“Wow,” I said.
These are the answers you hope to hear when you go to someone in human resources to let them know you’ll be taking parental leave, as a mother set to give birth, as a father ready to be there in support and bonding.
They’re certainly not the answers people always hear.
After the woman answered, “Congratulations,” I told a story about a woman who told me about a different response. When she said the same thing to her boss, he replied: “Congratulations… I think.” (Wrong answer!)
After the man relayed his support for a father asking to take his parental leave, I relayed other responses I’ve heard over the years of running @The Company of Dads. “What are you going to do on your vacation?”
“I never took time off with my kids.”
“I missed so much to build my career. But you should take it.”
“It’s so different today than it was when I was having kids.”
The responses I received in that room encourage equitable leave. They also help strengthen a company – in helping to retain key workers, in creating a more resilient group of future leaders, selected based on skill and performance, not presence in the office.
I was grateful to have been invited to @NICSA’s Fearless Leadership Symposium. Those 100 people in the room give me hope that the work we’re doing to support Working Moms and Lead Dads is slowly starting to resonate more.
