It all began in a rush hour traffic jam – when the honking competed with the cursing and swearing. It was the moment Ben Feller, who was getting increasingly frustrated by the New York City gridlock, heard his young son ask: “Daddy, is it a big problem or a little problem?”
The question is one Ben, a single father in Brooklyn and our Lead Dad of the Week, had often asked his son Sam to help him work through a situation. He’d get down on Sam’s level and they’d talk the problem through, whether it was a big one or a little one.
Fast forward and Feller, a former Chief White House correspondent for the Associated Press, had an idea for a book that could help fathers be more engaged – and less bumbling TV-stereotype dads. “Big Problems, Little Problems” came out in 2022 and the lessons around “conquering life’s frustrations together” have resonated.
“If you have a bad day but you’ve been here before, you can process this faster.” Ben said. “If you’re young and you don’t have a base to compare it to, it’s harder. My first reaction used to be saying, ‘Don’t worry, calm down’. That’s totally unhelpful.”
Instead, Ben and Sam worked through whatever problems together, like zipping up his coat. “It was overwhelming and then boom it was done,” he said.
Ben covered Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama as a journalist. But when he became a father at 40 his priorities around his time shifted. He went into communications consulting and is now a partner at Maslansky + Partners. The company’s tag line is: “it’s not what you say, it’s what people hear” – a good message for fathers talking to their children
As for that day in traffic, it had a lesson-teaching resolution. “He saw me losing it, but when the green light turned in the EZ Pass lane, then it was going to be okay,” he said. More importantly: “When we got that loop going of parents helping kids and kids helping parents. That’s making progress.”
Welcome, Ben, to The Company of Dads – and we look forward to you helping our community solve problems big and small.
