Some of the biggest battles in the playroom are fought over an item that one child just cannot bring themselves to relinquish. One child may be willing to part with an item but only to stop being screamed at by the other, giving the power of possession to the loudest child.
We can all get a little possessive from time to time, but it is important to help our kids understand the foundation of sharing as a necessity for building relationships and functioning in society.
Depending on the age and comprehension of your child, here are a few thoughts you might share with them:
Why Sharing Matters
Sharing goes beyond just dividing material items—it’s about understanding others’ needs and showing kindness. When kids learn to share, they build stronger relationships, develop empathy and generosity, and learn cooperation skills that will make their lives more fulfilling and productive
How to Teach the Value of Sharing
1. Lead by Example
Like most all topics and teaching points, children learn the most by observing their parents. If you model sharing in your everyday life, they’re likely to mimic your behavior. Share things with them—like your time, food, or even responsibilities. Let them see how sharing brings joy to both parties involved.
2. Use Playtime as a Teaching Moment
Playtime is the best (and often the most recurring) opportunity to teach sharing. Whether it’s sharing toys, taking turns with a game, or collaborating on a building project, you can reinforce the importance of sharing. Be sure to praise them when they share without being prompted
3. Read Stories About Sharing
Many children’s books focus on this theme with a fun and engaging presentation. Read and discuss the story afterward and ask your child how they think the characters felt when they shared.
4. Teach Empathy
Encourage your child to think about how others might feel when they don’t share. For example, if a sibling or friend wants to play with a toy your child has, ask them how they would feel if they were in the same situation. Teaching them to recognize others’ emotions shines a spotlight on empathy, and in turn will make sharing feel more natural.
5. Set Expectations
Kids need clear expectations about sharing. Explain why it’s important and what behaviors are acceptable. Establishing these boundaries early helps children understand what is expected of them in social situations.
What to Do When They Don’t Want to Share
Chances are you deal with this more than you don’t, especially if you have multiple young children. Constantly splitting up fights can be exhausting, and will often only come across as “they’re ruining all of the fun”. Here are a few different considerations that have yielded positive results:
1. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel like they want to keep something to themselves. This can be a defining point between teaching them to share and what they would deem “punishment” for not sharing. Let them know you understand how they feel before you dress an alternate behavior and solution.
2. Encourage Compromise
Find a middle ground. If they’re not ready to share, talk about taking turns, or offer something else that they’re willing to share. Show them that it doesn’t have to just be one way or the other, but that there is always room for negotiation and flexibility.
3. Revisit the Concept Later
In cases where your child is exceptionally resistant to sharing, don’t force the issue. Revisit the concept later when they can calm down and hear what you’re saying.
Teaching your children the value of sharing and how to share equips them with essential life skills. Be patient and consistent, recall your early days and bouts with sharing with others, and let them know you understand where they’re at. This will go a long way in getting them where they need to be.
