On Monday I had two goals in mind: eat an enormous, filling meal, way more than I’d normally eat for lunch, and do as much work that required focus as I could possibly get done.
I had five hours to myself while my wife was having hip surgery at HSS so I went to a nearby Italian restaurant.
If you ever want a reminder of how much your wife or husband or partner means to you, take them in for routine surgery and then wait several hours, alone with your thoughts, until the surgeon calls you.
Routine surgery is only routine after it’s done.
I was eating a huge lunch because I figured it would be my only meal of the day.
I was doing work that required focus because I knew what the next few weeks had in store. Hands on help. And I wanted to be there to do it, to help my wife recover from what surgeons tout as a routine orthopedic procedure but what regular people call a surgery that requires weeks of PT afterwards.
It hasn’t always been that way. I’m one of these [pick your pejorative] people who never gets sick and has joints and muscles that work like they’re supposed to. (I’m sure one day it will all catch up to me!)
When my kids have a cold, I say, go to school, while my wife says, go back to bed.
I’m not unsympathetic. I just don’t have that experience.
Going into this week I took a different approach. I planned ahead and cleared my calendar of any call or meeting. I committed to not just being mentally present but being physically present. I figured I’d answer emails, work on some website upgrades ahead of a big event in the coming weeks, and generally be reactive for a week or two.
While the surgery went great, waiting those hours to know that it had gone great, just confirmed my plan to hit pause. As a working parent, if I know one thing, it’s multitasking always causes stress and usually fails. As a husband, I know some weeks matter more than others. They’re obvious thoughts, but sometimes waiting for a call from a surgeon, even a top one who does a half-dozen routine surgeries a day, is a necessary reminder.
