All week, I’ve been thinking about a defeat last weekend. It’s buoyed my spirits, particularly around working dads and male friendships.
Here’s the background: I look forward to playing golf with my cousin in a two-day member-guest tournament every fall. Each September, I think this is going to be the year we win our flight and get into the shoot-out for a chance to win it all. We’ve come close in the past. Not this year. We finished dead last in our flight, and it was the best time I’ve had since we started doing this.
Let me share why and perhaps offer some takeaways for other Lead Dads looking to balance hobbies, family and work.
As I said, I wanted to win. We didn’t. But what was different this year from previous years was we were in a flight with all great guys. They were fathers around our age and the five matches were enjoyable.
Gone were the silent guys, the crabby guys, the overly competitive guys who forgot we were playing for fun and pride. It was just five teams that I would have been happy to spend timewith off the course.
We were all fathers, with kids from 2 to in their 20s. Girl dads and boy dads and dads whose kids went to the same colleges or had the same after-school interests. We had lots to talk about beyond golf.
I play in this event every year with my cousin, and many of the other guys play with the same guests. We’ve gotten to know each other in this once-a-year meetup. The concern with middle-aged men is we become loners and that leads to bad decisions, bad thoughts and bad actions. This was a group that was very much invested in catching up. And that made the breakfasts, lunches, cocktail hours as enjoyable as the matches.
It wasn’t without work ahead of time. To have this kind of two-day break, I planned out the days when I wasn’t going to be home. I wasn’t going to leave my wife to figure things out while I walked around a golf course. Luckily, the tournament starts on Friday, so the first day was covered by school. For Saturday I made sure there were playdates, activities and extra help set up.
Could I do this more than once a year? Probably. But I wouldn’t want to.
So I always make sure that I made the most of the time I have – without my fun adversely affecting my family.
And so here are my thoughts for dads doing something similar this weekend. When you have fun, be intentional. Throw yourself into it. Don’t check your phone or feel guilty.
How can you accomplish that? Set your family up for success before you go. Don’t leave it all to your partner to figure out. Make plans. Let your partner know. Set expectations. Then enjoy.
