“I can’t believe Dad and Uncle Paul are talking like they see each other all the time.”
That was my friend Tino Ricci’s 13-year-old daughter. From her middle school eyes, us picking up as if we lived next door was a head-scratching sight.
We hadn’t seen each other in nearly four years. But we were baptized together as babies and have been friends for all the decades since then. Today, he lives outside of Ft Worth, Texas, and I’m outside of New York City. Our lives don’t take us through either city on a regular basis. But we talk and text weekly.
We’re also both Lead Dads. Tino was one of my earliest podcast guests. So maybe there’s something from our three-day visit that’s instructive for other Lead Dads and Working Moms looking to stay connected with their friends.
For one, we planned ahead. Like two months ahead.
Two, we looped in our wives – who we both owe big time for making this happen. This wasn’t a regular occurrence; this hadn’t happened in nearly four years.
Three, we practiced some hardcore calendar management to make this work. My best friend’s son picked up his sister at school on Monday, we picked her up on Tuesday and my friend’s wife raced from work to get her on Wednesday. On my end, I got my father to come down and help with the shuttling.
Four, we met up early in the week. Lead Dads do not take weekend buddy trips – even if it’s your “bestest buddy, whole wide world,” to quote a high school tagline of ours. Those are for Event Dads. Lead Dads get together from Monday to Wednesday, to benefit from the support of school.
Five, we knew what mattered in the trip. We played some great golf courses, just not very well. That’s what we’ve done since we were 10 years old. I had dinner with his family and enjoyed being with them. I saw his mother, a central figure in my childhood, who I hadn’t seen in ten years. No time was wasted.
And today, after getting home at a 1am, I’m back to work, grateful for the days with my friend and appreciative of the people who made it possible. Being a Lead Dad, after all, isn’t about doing everything. It’s about carrying the mental load and knowing when and how to ask for help.
