Most things get worse when you’re in denial. For some Dads, getting out of that state requires pushing back against cultural norms, and that can be tough.
Michael Pereira, our Lead Dad of the Week from Miami, wants to make it easier for dads like he was to skip – or at least speed through – the denial phase. That’s one thing he learned about himself when he struggled with his son’s autism diagnosis.
“We had family saying don’t worry you were the same,” he recalled. “That made it worse.”
He had been working in enterprise software sales and traveling to and from Latin America. His wife was at home with their son, now 7. His son’s behavior changed depending on his travel schedule but seemed to improve during Covid when Michael didn’t really leave the house.
Then all the progress disappeared when Michael started traveling again. To make matters worse, the healthcare system was slow to diagnose his son and the financial planner he had didn’t understand planning for a special needs child.
That’s when Michael made a change for himself, his son and his family. “Once I went to the acceptance phase, I realized how selfish I was in the denial phase. I was only thinking about me and how it affected my career. To accept that, I realize we’re just looking for progress, not perfection. It’s changed us a lot for the better.”
And he changed careers, becoming an insurance planner who specified in working with families with special needs children. He realized through his own journey that families of modest means could use insurance to plan for their children’s future needs.
In the now, he realized how much he and his wife would need to advocate for their son. That required parents who weren’t away for most of the week.
It also changed what’s important to them as a family. “We’ve grown in a way,” he said. “We don’t fight about who left the toilet seat up. We’re more focused on getting the household right.”
What he’d tell other fathers still in the denial phase is powerful. “Don’t take the do-it-yourself approach,” he said. “Sometimes we think we’re in cruise control, but we’re going the wrong way. You need a team to try to complete the holistic view of a family with special needs.”
Welcome, Michael, to The Company of Dads. And learn more about help for your family at TheAutismVoyage.com
