There’s a picture of me at three years old wearing a Michigan football jersey that’s basically a dress, holding a giant football that’s bigger than my head. Every Halloween after that, I was Jebril Peppers, Denard Robinson, Donovan Peoples-Jones… you get the point. I’m 17 now, a varsity athlete, and I still wear the jersey not just on Halloween, but when I need motivation or just want to feel connected to my mom’s beloved alma mater.
So when the news came out that Sherrone Moore, the head coach of Michigan football, had been fired for an inappropriate relationship with a staff member and then ended up in jail as police investigated an alleged assault, I was surprised in myself that I wasn’t shocked. Part of me was disappointed. But honestly? Mostly I felt tired.
My generation of boys has grown up with a front-row seat to men falling apart. Athletes, politicians, rappers, YouTubers, coaches—every time we turn around, someone else is getting exposed for something. We’re supposed to admire these men. Instead, we’re constantly learning how to be disillusioned.
Today most of the talk I saw was about the athletes who would leave Michigan for the transfer portal. And it left a bad taste in my mouth– because the question we should really be asking is
So who are supposed to be our heroes?
The Gap Between What They Told Us and What They Do
When you’re a kid, coaches especially feel like superheroes. They’re the ones who we put our trust in and in turn they teach us heroic lessons like hard work pays off, discipline leads to success and ultimately be accountable for our failures. The amount of times I have pulled from a game with coaches telling me I had to be accountable for my mistakes is endless. For a long time, I believed that message without question.
But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed the gap between what some adults preach and how they actually behave. When someone like Moore, someone who’s supposed to model leadership, not only breaks the rules but hurts people in the process, it makes it harder to trust any adult who stands in front of a team or a classroom and says, “Follow me.”
It’s not that one person messed up. It’s that there’s a pattern. And that pattern makes a lot of boys my age feel like we’re being asked to build our character on sand.
The researcher Ruth Whippman says boys like me are socialized not in who we should be but instead avoiding what we shouldn’t be – weak. And honestly? That feels true. Most of us are trying to figure out “how to be” on our own, because the men who were supposed to teach us don’t seem to have it figured out either. And they are definitely not heroes.
When Real Heroes Disappear, Fake Ones Step In
And here’s the part adults don’t seem to understand: the vacuum gets filled. Fast. Believe me when I say, Tik tok wants us to believe the wrong men are “heroes.” If no adult can give us a clear explanation, then boys my age are left to figure it out ourselves—or let the internet decide for us.
And that’s not a great plan.
When real-life role models fall apart, a lot of boys turn to the manosphere. And the message is one of blame. They talk about power and dominance and “never letting a woman disrespect you,” and so every time a story like Moore’s breaks, the manosphere reacts and points to the woman as if she was to blame. Deferring consequences. Trying to rebuild a fake hero instead of showing the truth that boys without positive male role models are twice as likely to commit violent behavior as adults.
Boys Need Villains Too
Here’s something I’ve realized lately and it’s that boys don’t just need heroes. We need villains, too. Not villains who get defended or turned into excuses. But villains who are clearly named so we can understand: what misuse of power looks like, why certain actions cause harm and what real accountability should look like. No one is talking about the real moral of the story. Villains teach boundaries. Heroes teach possibilities. Boys need both.
I’m not writing this because I’ve figured out how to be the perfect future man. I’m writing it because I want the men I look up to do what they told me– take accountability for the harm they cause. Show us what real integrity looks like, or else someone else will teach us instead. Go Blue.
