Twenty years ago, Quenlan Pleasant enlisted in the Navy, rising to the top enlisted rank, Chief Petty Officer. A divorced father of one, if there is one thing he’d tell his younger self it’s, “rest is not a luxury”.
Quenlan, our Lead Dad of the Week from Jacksonville, Fla, was able to travel widely and learn deeply in the Navy, but his relentless focus on being the best he could be took a toll on his marriage and life beyond his military duties.
“I got to Skype back then when I’d pull into port and wish them well,” he said. “Mentally I was disconnected. You have to stuff that in the seabag as much as possible and keep the mission at the forefront. You keep saying I’m doing this for my family. But in reality, I’m doing it because America told me to do it. I missed things.”
The Navy was his path to a different life than he knew growing up in Huntington, W.Va. He went to Japan, Guam and Bahrain on various ships. He met his wife at the Office of Naval Intelligence in Washington, D.C. He had important roles at the massive Norfolk, Va., naval base. He had a son.
“You can’t balance family and the Navy,” he said. “I tried my best, but it wasn’t successful. I gave the Navy everything I had, and I gave my family what was left.”
Unlike many fathers who are all in with their work, Quenlan had the opportunity for a second chance most people don’t have. He could retire, collect his pension and focus on being a father. “I retired from the Navy at 20 years and a day,” he said.
And given that opportunity, he’s making the most of it. “There were a couple of positive resolutions that came out of my divorce in 2024 around co-parenting, and one of the things was, what do you want to teach your child?,” he said. “I wanted my son to have a strong sense of IQ and EQ. Before that I’d lead with discipline. Now I’m more intentional about being present. I’m trying to be an active father. I volunteer at my son’s school for cafeteria duties.”
In his quest, he’s reading, listening and learning as much as he can. He has a favorite quote that other Lead Dads could learn from. “Are you the thermometer or the thermostat? The thermometer measures the temperature in the room. The thermostat allows you to change it.”
Welcome, Quenlan, to The Company of Dads. And good luck on your next deployment: full-on Lead Dad to your son!
